I haven't felt so disconnected

I haven't felt so disconnected with myself, the world, and people in general as I have this past week or so. I have felt so anxious lately. Mostly about college or what I will do next. I just want so badly to get on with things. I still feel this sense of waste going on in my life right now. I feel as though not only what I'm doing is a waste, but that I'm kind of being a waste. It's a sad state of affairs. I'm hoping that as the spring season comes, maybe I can find some motivation or inspiration to be more outgoing with my life or happy with it at least. 

This disconnected feeling though that I'm feeling, it's upsetting. I want to keep these connections I have with people and find new ones, but I feel that they are slipping away from me. Maybe it's that I'm slipping away from myself and not putting enough work into myself. I'll have to do some more focusing. I can't really pressure time to move forward, so I guess I'll stick to that whole 'dealing with it' for now. I have decided though, that I will try to move to Pittsburgh, PA if I do not get into college at the University of Binghamton. I really don't feel like I can waste my time here and be miserable living with my step-mom. I can't continue to put myself through it all. 

I think all the wishing/hoping I'm doing toward trying to make a change is just a useless way to keeping me disconnected, because I'm not embracing much anymore. I keep saying that I don't want any attachments here, so maybe I'm just doing it to myself.....

I'm just sitting and waiting for now.....

Album: Elliott Smith-From a basement on the Hill