I have found that I'm more understanding with people and their own personal behaviors even if they are in contrast to my own. Most of these times, I must say, if I hate that behavior, I ignore it, or expel it/person from my life. It has left me high and dry at times, but for the most part, it has been worth the expulsion.
With that said, there are some pinpoint things I despise such as doing drugs [grow up people, stop being immature, drugs do not do anything positive for one's life, you probably will not have a productive life, good luck getting a job outside of retail/fast food/factory], racists [times have changed, stop using derogatory terms that you have no right to say, or have politically correct reason/knowledge to use such terms], those who strive to obtain attention in any situation [you will get old pretty damn fast, you disposable life form], a those who are blatantly self destructive [you might as well dig your own grave then rest nicely in it now, you will never have a pro-active life.] and finally, those who try to push their thoughts and beliefs onto others whatever that might be [you probably are not intuitive to the fact that you are being resisted for a reason, reevaluate your morals and your thoughts and stop basing your beliefs on the fact that you only believe that you are right, open your fucking mind.]
These are just a few things I notice that I steer clear of. I have found that listening to oneself is an empowering thing to do, because if you feel confident that you will make the right choice, you can self talk yourself through any problem and you will trust that you won't allow yourself to fail, or mislead yourself. All around, you know you, and trust you, and you are usually the best to go to for the right answer.
I feel that I sound overly confident, but I'm pretty sure I deserve it right now. Any issue i've had going on within the past 6 months, i've talked myself through with the help of Chriss, being my ears. Then comes AHA! moment and life makes a little more sense. I'll still rest assure that more 'shit' will come up and I will be made a fool of my own life until I figure that one out too, but as long as I have some ears, I'm pretty sure it'll be alright. I'll sit on that comfy couch for a while.
But I should get to the meat of this blog, all of this is just a precursor to the actual point, but I feel I should explain me, and my thoughts before getting into detail of current situations.
So anywho, I watched this movie tonight called The Puffy Chair: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85cmTNBH42k
I actually caught the last 30 minutes or so of this movie, but that alone, got to me. I walked in on this part where the lead girl was crying and was talking to her current boyfriend, who was also the lead male character. She asked him "why are you in this relationship?" and he was reluctant to talk about the situation. She then proceeded to tell him that she is in that relationship because she loves him, and that if proposed to her, she would say yes, and she would grow old with him and have his children, because she wants that. Right after she says that, she tells him she deserves more than him, maybe she should have rephrased it, "more from him" but anywho that would not fit right for this idea. When he hears this, it struck a chord because he then replies that she responds negatively to him in most situations, and does not appreciate what he does do enough, and that if she does not take him for who he is and what he does that they should not be in that relationship. AGREED!
I thoroughly believe that a person who is right for you, truly right for you will be the easiest thing to go through. [Yes I know you might have spats, but they are few and far between and are not severe, at all!!! ex: Chriss and myself, have fought, maybe two or three times within the past three years, go figure we're best friends.] Those pure relationships just happen. You and that person click, as if it was destiny you were to meet this person and make them happy, because they make you happy too. There is no judgement, because you love who they are and what they do. They were not put in your life to destroy it, they were there to help and grow with you. You are enlightened by their spirit and intrigued by their mind and soul. To be honest, I have only made note of this happening with two people. I have mentioned one, Chrissy and the other was Steve Walton. If he reads this, I hope he appreciates the credit. I have never felt more comfortable and at ease with my life in their hands than with these people. One has unfortunately failed, but sometimes life tears people apart for reasons unknown [I really know.] I never really thought religion could hurt be so lethal. To be honest, I had never explored religion before him because it was never important in my life and I never felt I needed to and because of this I probably won't ever again. He was one of the most amazing people to come into my life and taught me a lot which I'm completely grateful for, but made me realize how important my development within the last 4 years have really been in the person I am today and that I have empowered MYSELF for MYSELF and only for that. I decided not to be self-destructive anymore. I decided to work through MY issues and make MYSELF happy, because I realized that NO ONE deserves to be sad in life and you really have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. You will also make others happy naturally if you make yourself happy first. Religion took this away. Well christianity anyway from what I had learned. I learned that you are not really doing anything for yourself to make yourself happy, you are doing it to make a biblical character happy, because somehow you owed it to him.
Sorry, I do enough dirty work for the man, I'm here for myself now.
I continue to get off topic....kind of. To return back to my previous thought; Easy Relationships, yes. I've realized that this ease in the relationship is key to success and situations like previously stated can get in the way, but all-in-all I think that friendships and relationships should be that easy. There should be no question as to "will this work?" because you just know it will. Being friends should not be hard and that is that. It even becomes almost involuntary because you do things not because you have to, but because you want to and it just happens. It's altruism at it's finest.
I had been talking to Chriss tonight as I was self talking myself through a current situation I am in, and my 'aha' moment came when I realized that I have been expecting something, just anything from this person and that I do it with a lot of people, but I shouldn't. The only person at this point I do expect ya know the usual, love, respect, honesty, is in fact from Chrissy and I never question that because I don't have to. With Steve, I didn't either because it was just there. I've tried to expect these things from some people and disappointment came when, surprise, surprise, it was pretty vacant or just not continuous. The only funny thing out of this that I found was that, those who have expected these things FROM me, never gave it in return, but also have recently expressed their dislike with the only person who has been constant in my life, Chrissy. [Mary + Step-mom] Go figure.
But from this feeling of 'aha' has come the realization that I need to not worry about those people who I do not have this ease with, because it probably won't happen, or they won't put the effort into working toward a good friendship. [or so the situation seems] I can't stray my mind because of lust or wishful thinking. I will then become a hopeless romantic, which I am already, so there is no need to worsen the situation. I will take progression, but I can not hold off any potential situations because of this, I'm pretty sure i'll be wasting my time and putting WORK into a friendship. EFFFFF that. thanks.
Current Music-Mary Snoring.
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