Sometimes, just sometimes

Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to think of love in my life, or lack there of and reflect on how lucky i've really been for my single world for so long. Not to sound so lonesome, there have been those few who have come and gone, and all that has been left is the appreciation of the opportunity to get to know another human being. It seems as though whenever I do meet a new person, I reflect their traits with that of my own, or others and how I have looked upon those traits in other situations. I've created this bias toward anyone and everyone who might come my way, which will never allow full understanding of them. Sometimes I think this is a defense mechanism, other times I think I don't like wasting my time on people who have traits I loathe. Or vis versa and we can just get to the point where we will be friends for a while. I do like meeting new people, but in the right situation and when I'm in the right mindset, otherwise I feel bad for whoever has to meet me. But beyond the fact that meeting people is a task in itself, love is a true task, yet I say that with the most ease. I believe that love should be one of the most selfless acts someone could do in their lifetime, and it will never or should never for that matter even be looked upon as such an "act" because love is so light with the most weighted meaning and isn't even an act, it's a life function. Or so it can seem when you add another person into the equation. 

I believe heavily in love. I also believe heavily in the fact that most people are incapable of loving anyone because they will continually be looking for themselves in life. I'm not saying that a person should look only for love in life, but should look how to love them self, then loving others will be easy.  It will also allow others to love you easier. I do feel that a person should find what will make them happy in their life, I feel that a person should not stray from a great relationship, may it be a friend or lover, in the fear that it might inhibit any progression in a person's life. I feel that if you feel someone makes you happy, they should be the closest thing  to you. If you feel that a person is a person you can talk to, open up to, do so, who else will listen if you don't? Unless it is the thing that isn't completely great and unique, in which case, should not be considered in this particular situation. ANY WHO....

I'm not one to have had many "love" experiences, yet I've taken every variation of love i've encountered and explored it, as I feel people should. The most prominent has been the best friendship i've been blessed to have in my life. Everything I could ask for in a relationship has been laid out in my hands, minus the sexual relations. To be able to have someone who is willing to change and grow with you as a person is amazing. She came in at the right time and picked up where I was lacking in life. She drank wine and let me cry, or sing my sappy love songs no matter how ridiculous I sounded. She even gave me a place to live when I needed some time away. I've never felt as though anything I have done has been as selfless since the time we've became friends. We were not friends based upon anything more than the fact that we got along great, always laughed and had fun together. Like I said she came in at the best time, I was just getting better and we were both about to start the most growing we have ever done in or entire lives. I'm glad I had at least one constant throughout that time period, because nothing at all was constant and nothing felt controllable.

Things still are not controllable, but the fact that it's noticed allows control of myself to take place. How I will deal and react to current situations. I've learned this and so much more over the past, almost three years. I could write more, but more will probably be revealed in later blogs.

But the main point to this blog is the fact that life is uncontrollable, love is uncontrollable and that when it is in plain site, you will know. It will become a daily function to make sure that the one you do love, whether it is as a friend, a true friend or a lover, that true love is alright and that their day is just as complete as yours is.

It seems so extreme the way I speak of how I feel on this matter, but it is something I'm passionate about. When I care about people around me, they know. Our friendships become almost subtle, yet at that moment something is wrong, or even something amazing is happening, it's known, speaking or not. It just happens.

I think the best things in life are those that you do not even want to completely explain. It is the things you perceive to be great between you and that other person that makes it unique. 

I think perception is next........

Music: Band of Horses-Cease to begin